At our first encounter
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Description – [Note: contains spoilers from Vol. 6, Birth Chapter 6] Soubi battles what He wants, the truth in his heart, and his body's instincts.


**Fandom: Loveless**  
**Title: At our first encounter**  
**Pairing: Soubi + Ritsuka, Seimei + Soubi**  
**Rating: pg-13**  
**Description – [Note: contains spoilers from Vol. 6, Birth Chapter 6] Soubi battles what He wants, the truth in his heart, and his body's instincts.**

**Disclaimer – Loveless belongs to the wonderful Kouga Yun-sensei. I'm just in love with the story so here we are.**

Millions scrambled around us as we strode through Shibuya Crossing. Above, a televised rainbow screen showed a girl group sweetly singing,

"…All this time, looking through glass,  
I've held this secret deep inside,  
A locket stitched onto my chest.  
This painted melody  
Silently playing for  
Your ears alone.

La la la.

I wonder how long it's been  
since our first glimpse?  
And how many years 'til  
It disappears?  
With aching admiration,  
It all collapses easily  
like a soap bubble.

I'll be a spectator  
From the sidelines of "Myself"  
Acting how you command,  
I'm wanting more  
than I'll understand.  
Why do I still believe in you  
even when all you give me  
are shards of lies?

Your fingertips stretch out  
and you'll take them away  
once I reach back for you,  
the game we play  
to our heart's content  
until the glimmer fades away.

But no matter how  
you look at me,  
I'll still be waiting  
Playing this  
game for  
One.

La la la.

Yes, until there's nothing  
Just like at the beginning.

Nai nai, ne?"

Yes, nothing, I quietly agreed.  
I stood there until He ordered, "Soubi, come."  
"Yes, Master."

**At our first encounter.**  
**By Miyamoto Yui**

Tautly, each strand etched around my neck tightens. I feel Him laughing inside these scars as I look down at the wildly innocent eyes staring straight up into mine. The boy won't turn away because he doesn't know the extent of the other side of the wall, the one that passes through me leading to the person whose blood he shares.

It's not that Ritsuka doesn't know, he just hasn't learned how to.

In vain, I try so hard to stop aching for him. Even if I tell him outright, he still wouldn't understand. At least for now.

Part of me wants him to figure it out and another is bleeding guilt. All the more, it makes me whet my lips.

I try to repress the carnal instinct that wants to seize and suffocate him in pleasure. It's bursting through my skin and grating slowly through my nerves. I will get rid of her for you and then you will be mine. But you are not really mine. You still think of Him and I cannot go against Him.

Don't you know He's always watching you, Ritsuka?

The abyss opens wider inside of me, I want to choke it with all the pain, paint it all away into shades of vermillion petals and crystal Aquarian blue.

I WANT TO BE YOURS.

"Take me," I smoothly direct.  
My desperation won't allow me to watch your lovely eyes. I close mine knowing I'm falling down further.

This boy doesn't get it and I don't want to lead him to self-destruction. Well, not just yet. Seimei would never allow it. After all, I'm merely "borrowing" Ritsuka. He isn't mine.

"Beloved" contracts even more. Now I _know_ He's reveling in my seething.

What I have to be and what I am not. I don't know exactly what or who that is. Facades and images drown themselves inside of me. But once in a while, the truth escapes, water corroding little by little into my lungs.

"I want you to embrace me, Ritsuka."

Suddenly, small, warm arms wrap around my waist. I want to cry.

Comfort me. Take me away. Separate me.  
Breakmebreakmebreakme…

Taking a deep breath, I glance upwards. A flash of the glittering pins in their constricted frames…even the smell of that sterilized room comes back momentarily.  
In the next blink, He's crushing my ribs. The tip of his polished boot pushes over my chest as he bends down to drop something into my lips. Making me choke, He grins mockingly in satisfaction.

Those stone cold eyes.

Embracing Ritsuka harder, I laugh it off, not really hearing what he is asking me.

Somehow, I am able to steal a kiss in my entropy. His breath gives me air as my mind continues to swim.  
I need more. I want to push my tongue further, rip his clothes, and not have to think for myself anymore…

Instead, I hold onto his face so that I can look into him while keeping things in perspective…  
to give myself enough time to pull away…

With eyes half-closed, we watch one another wordlessly.

I can't…not yet…

"Ritsuka. One day, take me."

An echo screams from within, but I don't know if I think or plead, "Please."

After I leave him, I find myself standing in between two buildings. Pushing my hands into a brick wall, I slide and crumble to the floor as if in prayer. On my knees, I see a broken hand mirror before me and avert my eyes away. The itching in my nails starts and I want to scratch my neck until I can tear the flesh away. Digging my fingernails into the tar ground, I don't know if I can hold on any longer.

As if to taunt me, I hear the three girls sing their torturous tune. Without knowing, rolling off my lens and onto the back of my hand, a single tear falls.

"After all these years?"

At that moment, from the initial gaze he gave me at our first encounter,  
I finally realize what all Sensei's words meant.

**Owari./End.**  
**-**  
**Author's notes:** I usually do not do exact parts from the anime or manga, but this part, reading it again more than a decade later, it hurt more this time round. It rolled in my mind for days until this is what came out.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Love,  
Yui

4/21/2019 8:24:30 PM – Los Angeles  
4/22/2019 12:24:43 PM – Tokyo


End file.
